I suppose we have Katy Perry to thank. When our team brainstormed ideas for a new web column, centered around the idea of documenting athletes’ late-night escapades—because you know they’re always good—Perry’s hit song “Last Friday Night,” inevitably came to mind. It’s, like, the defining party song of our generation, right? I guess Miley’s “Party in the U.S.A.” might be in contention, too, but that’s aside from the point. The important thing is this: Throughout the season, your favorite athletes will be rocking and rolling from film premieres, to competitions, to trade shows, to photoshoots and beyond. Along the way, many memorable moments will become legendary tales, and we’ll be doing our best to bring these stories to you, straight from the pros’ perspectives.

To kick things off, we check in with the King of Fun himself, Mr. Sean Pettit. It was nearly one week ago that Sean feared for his life—fumbling through the dark in his own home—drawn from his bedroom by a mysterious noise. For the rest, we turn it over to Sean, who explains in detail what exactly happened last Friday night.

Last Friday Night:

…was a weird one. It must have been a full moon or something. It all took place in beautiful Whistler, BC. Mid-summer in Whistler… always quite the doozy. Anyways, good friend, and Red Bull team manager, Fergie Cancade, was in town on “business,” which means he was in Whistler to party with yours truly. So, we decided to do just that. Just your standard party when surrounded by us psychos—you know, couple table dances, the occasional pole dance, few salty Beverly’s and, of course, girls always come into play.

So, at one point of the night, I have to part ways with my beloved Fergie, who—by the way—is just sweating profusely in the forehead region, but it blends in great with the slicked back hair. I say my goodbye and I depart with quite the cutie. She seemed like a fairly normal, straightforward human being at the time. We show up at my house, hop into bed, little make out here and there—not going too much further than that. I’m fading quick, so we just pass out for the night.

I am rudely awakened at 5:15 in the morning to a strange banging noise coming from somewhere in my house. Bam!… Bam!… Bam!… I’m startled. I look over, and the girl is not in my bed anymore. I’m confused.

I walk downstairs, look around. Bam!… I hear it again from all the way downstairs. I’m scared. I walk down to the bottom floor and the noise is coming from my bathroom. I’m terrified.

I open the door, slowly. The lights are off. I reach around for the light switch. Flick it on.

I jump back. This girl, who seemed like a fairly normal human being—as I mentioned earlier—is just standing there opening and closing my shower door, which quickly solves the noise problem. In a stern voice I say, “What the f#ck are you doing?” She replies in an innocent voice, “Oh, I was just giving Sean Pettit to the people.”

Now I’m really f#ckin’ scared. I say, “What the f#ck are you talking about?” She repeats herself as if it’s a completely normal statement. So I say, “No, you’re not. I’m standing right here, and I’m pretty sure I don’t see any people in my shower.”

She looks at me, confused, as if I don’t understand what she’s talking about. I freak out and run upstairs and close my bedroom door. I woke up a few hours later and she was gone. Thank f#ckin’ god. So, kids, if I have any advice for pickin’ up ladies, find a nice girl and make her your girlfriend. Don’t try to hook up with possessed demons. They will try and steal your soul.

A few more Lasts:

Last #beautiful moment you Instagrammed:
Me, posted in front of the “Greasy Wiener” in Santa Monica. Beautiful.

Last thing you failed at:
Well, remember I took home the devil? That sucked.

Last thing you won:
I bet my good friend Chunk a taquito from 7-Eleven that he couldn’t jump over a pylon. He somehow landed with the pylon right between his legs, perfectly. I therefore “won” a taquito. Think I got some gum, too.

Last person who inspired you:
I was reading a Playboy the other day and read an article on Muhammad Ali. Super inspirational dude. So I cut his picture out of the mag, and put him up on the wall.

Last skiing video you saw online that really impressed you:
The Wallisch Project was actually really sick. Yeah, Tom! Can’t wait to celebrate our b-day together next year.

Last place you drank from a shoe:
The Freeskier office in 2011.

Last time you ripped your shirt off at the bar:
I don’t know how I remember this, but it was on my 21st birthday in Huntington Beach, during the US Open of Surf this summer. I had just popped a bottle of what I was told to be some expensive champagne, and I soaked the crowd in it. Then I just voluntarily ripped my own shirt off.

Last hot dog you ate:
In the summer of ’99. I was seven. Hot dogs are f#ckin’ gross.

Your last meal before you die:
Poutine. Obviously.

Last vacation you took:
I’m always on vacation.

Last person you met that you really liked:
Shaun White’s PR agent/Chris O’Connell’s girlfriend. She’s funny.

Last stranger you kissed on the lips:
The devil.

Last time you did something nice for a stranger:
I didn’t really feel like doing anything nice for the devil woman. She tried to sell my soul to invisible shower people.

Last time you hugged your mother:
Five minutes ago. Luh’ you, Mom.

Last place you aired a big cliff:
Whistler.

Last backflip you did:
New Zealand, this August, off a two-foot wind drift.

Also Read: King of Fun: Sean Pettit keeps an industry in check