Quick notes from the #OrageMasters at Retallack:
Tuesday night, we witnessed an outrageous team selection process: a knife throwing contest here at Retallack Lodge. The Pirates’ Tatum Monod faced off against the Superheroes’ Lexi Dupont to determine which of the boys would join their respective squads—the video is here.
The knife throwing contest kicked off a—to say the least—festive evening here at the lodge. One of the many highlights: Joe Schuster pooped his pants.
This morning, we kicked ‘er off nice and early. I myself awoke to Karl the Gnarl’s unmistakable voice booming in the dining room—located above our bedroom.
Breakfast was amazing. In fact, all of the meals have been amazing. These guys ain’t f#cking around in the kitchen.
We loaded three snow cats and headed up into the hills. We did some beacon drills, and went through the standard safety protocol. It’s all fun and games until someone reminds you that you might die in an avalanche, right? One of the guides said to Parker White, dressed as Batman, “Don’t embrace your inner Batman too much, eh?” Parker responded, “I can’t make any promises.”
Back in the cats now. We made for Hollywood Ridge. There, it didn’t take long for things to get wild. With coveted “flamingo points” on the line, the athletes were keen to throw down. There are too many standout moments to recount them all. Rainville is so, damn, good. Duncan Adams: so, damn, good. Godbout sent it huge. Wiley sent it huge. Banks: “That’s the biggest backflip I’ve ever done in my life.” C-Lo crushed it. Parker: the usual hard-charging antics made so much better by virtue of his wearing a Batman costume. Lexi: sending it off of the biggest drops in sight. Tatum? Damn, she’s so good, too. The only one who didn’t kill it today: Joe. He received plenty of shit for it, too. His ass hurt too bad. He certainly made a bid for best-dressed today, though. Plus, he’s a total hunk.
The session raged all damn day. As time elapsed, we worked our way down the ridge. The snow is deep as’. The terrain here is incredible. The vibes today were all-time. High fives. Huge smiles. So much cheering. Total ski domination.
Following the Hollywood madness: Chinese downhill. We followed the gang down a nice, steep pitch. The light was flat and the snow was falling hard. At one point, Logan went down and lost a shoe; I thought for sure that’d be certain victory for team Superheroes. He assured us, “It’s no problem.” Sure enough, we saw him not two minutes later jump on a snowmobile. He caught up with the crew in no time. He blew by ’em one by one. He finished first. The Pirates won, with $300 and flamingo points to show for their efforts.
Post-ski: another knife throwing contest. The Pirates won again. Then, dinner. Again, amazing. Lasagna.
Later, we took to the mini “rink” outside of the lodge for some good ol’ fashion broomball. Body checks. Snowballs. Cross-checks. Goals. Epic saves; C-Lo’s goalie skills are out of this world. The Retallack guides ended up winning. $500. They’re Canadian—pretty good at hockey.
Now: Jenga. Tequila. Twice I’ve had folks threaten to pour alcohol all over my laptop if I didn’t shut ‘er down and stop doing work. Meanwhile, upstairs, our own Shane Dowaliby and co. are working to crank out some edits showcasing the Hollywood Ridge session. Good work, boys.
So many more great things to share—this place is amazing. These people are amazing. This event is amazing. But for now, I’ll try to keep my laptop safe. Stay tuned for more from Orage Masters IX.