Overheard at the Orage Masters IX: Rumble at Retallack

Comments by Henrik Lampert/

In celebration of the long-awaited release of the Orage Masters highlight videos, we’ve opted to share this list of “overheards.” Mind you, this is not the 100% raw account of the magic that graced our ears during our stint at Retallack, but, surely you can appreciate the general ridiculousness of the participants, and of the event itself. Note: we’ve kept ‘em anonymous. That said, we hope you’ll put your imagination to work and try to figure out exactly who said what.

As a reminder, the Pirates—a team comprised of Tatum Monod, Wiley Miller, Tanner Rainville, Chris Logan and Banks Gilberti—defeated the Superheroes: Lexi Dupont, Parker White, Alexis Godbout, Duncan Adams and Joe Schuster. And ICYMI, the full Orage Masters IX event recap is here.

Overheard:

“It’s jerk offs like you who f#ck this contest up.”

“Yeah, I pooped my pants but I’m back now, what you know about that?”

“Put your f#cking costume on!”

“I’m not used to this much aerobic activity.”

“Anyone have any Advil? I need to get this ass feeling good for hockey tonight.”

“Tatum, you’re looking extra wenchy today.”

“Jesus… Every time I walk in here there’s more Car Bombs.”

“Hey, so my AA bill, do I just send that to Retallack, or how does that one work?”

“Anything I say after midnight you can’t hashtag.”

“What ass hole filmed me making out with Chris last night?”

“You’re ugly and you suck at skiing.”

“That’s the biggest backflip I’ve ever done.”

“Wiley, you’re a fucking astronaut.”

“Oh, cool tree tap, Wiley, like I’ve never seen you do that before, you f#cking idiot.”

“Hey, just so you guys know, I ski with Pep actually a decent amount.”

“People think that I’m just core and underground, but what they don’t know is that I’m probably the richest pro skier in the world.”

“I don’t have any money now to go heli skiing this spring because I spent two thousand dollars drinking Car Bombs at the Retallack bar.”

“I’m a professional athlete, Mom, get off my case. You can’t be an athlete and an alcoholic.”

“You’re a professional athlete?!”

“If you don’t take it easy, you’re going to be wearing tits in a minute.”

“I’m gonna go puke out a couple organs, I’ll be back in five.”

“I guess we’re just burning down a whole grove of trees now?”

“Joe, I just pissed in your helmet. Asparagus piss all up in your helmet now.”

“I seriously poop once a week, and it’s only when I sneeze.”

“That little slipper stealing wench…”