Featured Image: Elise Sterck
Pocket snacks have been debated for as long as people have been on skis. Hell, probably longer! Many moons before we were sliding downhill for enjoyment, the Vikings used skis to head out for a hunt as they prayed to the God of Snow, Ullr, for a manageable winter. Prior to them, foragers in what is now China used skis to brave the deep snows near Mongolia and Russia in search of food.
The deep tie between skiing and sustenance had us curious; what exactly is the best pocket snack for the chairlift or skintrack? An apple is good, a piece of candy is alright, but we went in search of snacks off the beaten path. We reached out to our correspondents in the field, our friends who live and die by the sport, and asked for the most interesting and fulfilling ski snacks they’ve seen. Our favorite answers were recorded and scored based on the following qualities.
10 points per quality with 50 points possible
NUTRITION
Will it give you the energy you need?
UNIQUENESS
Just another snack or something more ~adventurous~
PORTABILITY
The easier to transport, the better
SHAREABILITY
Can your friend who said they weren’t hungry five minutes ago have some?
STYLE
If you ain’t got style, you got nothing
Some were expected, some were surprises and some had us scratching our heads wondering why anyone would attempt such a thing (see number five for proof ). But at the end of the day, the numbers don’t lie. Our top answer might shock the masses, but we’re here to do honest reporting. Try them out this winter, share with a stranger on the lift and choose wisely, otherwise you might be cleaning out your jacket pocket for a few days.
#10 Bagged Spaghetti
Don’t sleep on bagged spaghetti. Popularized by Charlie Day from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” ye olde bag of spag provides the power you need to park an arc. Seal it up tight because a loose bag in your pocket will cause a jacket disaster. Minus points for needing a fork or alternatively getting messy hands depending on how you eat it.
NUTRITION
5
UNIQUENESS
6
PORTABILITY
3 (requires fork)
SHAREABILITY
6
STYLE
4
TOTAL
24
#9 Broth (in a thermos)
While practical, the thermos full of broth sits at number nine for a reason. It’ll warm you up, and the salt should give you nutrients for the long day ahead. However, a thermos is no easy ride-along. Take a tumble, and you’ll be feeling it for the rest of the season. Add veggies and stash it at the lodge to boost score.
NUTRITION
7
UNIQUENESS
7
PORTABILITY
1 (requires bulky thermos)
SHAREABILITY
8
STYLE
2
TOTAL
25
#8 A Mystery French Fry (how did it get in there?)
How did it get in there? The mystery french fry is both a blessing and a curse. You now have sustenance on the lift, but the attractive stranger sitting next to you thinks you’re a grease ball. Plus, your pockets are probably stanky. Still, it’s tasty and so portable that you had no idea it was ever even there… *que James Bond theme.*
NUTRITION
1
UNIQUENESS
7
PORTABILITY
10 (surprise find)
SHAREABILITY
2
STYLE
6
TOTAL
26
#7 Chocolate Milk
Style & nutrition; a double combo for the ages. While bulky, chocolate milk will give you the nutrients necessary to stomp that cliff and lay some hip. Leave it at the top for easy portability. “I used to ski with a half-gallon of chocolate milk on me at all times,” says Sugarloaf native Nicky Martin. Both Martin and fellow Mainer Donny Pelletier are known to point ‘em like none other, so perhaps it’s not the water, but the chocolate milk that has these Maine boys ripping.
NUTRITION
9
UNIQUENESS
4
PORTABILITY
5 (sloshes around in pocket)
SHAREABILITY
1 (too good to share)
STYLE
9
TOTAL
28
#6 Weathered 12oz Can of PBR
It rolled out from under your backseat like a blessing from above. The label is hardly visible but the beer is still preserved. It’s not unique, but it’ll get the job done. It keeps you warm with a burst of energy as the flakes tumble on down. Minus points for clunky pocket storage.
NUTRITION
7
UNIQUENESS
2
PORTABILITY
8 (clunky)
SHAREABILITY
10
STYLE
3 (should be a Rainier)
TOTAL
30
#5 Steak Dinner (tinfoil lined pockets)
The most interesting option on our list, the pocket steak dinner, is a rare gem. “Line your pockets with tinfoil and you can get anything in there,” says New Hampshire native turned Bridger Bowl, Montana, ripper Seamus Slattery. “It’s possible to take an entire steak dinner but you gotta layer it correctly. It goes asparagus, steak, then potatoes for maximum flavor.” A big risk, big reward Vegas high roller meal. Proceed with the utmost caution!
NUTRITION
10
UNIQUENESS
10
PORTABILITY
-1
SHAREABILITY
3
STYLE
9
TOTAL
31
#4 [Tied] Summer Sausage
From the sunny countryside of Italy to the chairlift of your local hill, a summer sausage is always a winner. Easy to share and portable as can be. Look out though, the meat sweats will sneak up on you without warning. Longevity is the name of the game with this here sausage. Wrap it back up for the next ride, next day out or even next year. Plus two style points for adding cheese.
*Vegetarians—try a bag of lettuce or a turnip instead.*
NUTRITION
6 (cured meat sweats)
UNIQUENESS
4
PORTABILITY
8
SHAREABILITY
10
STYLE
4
TOTAL
32
#4 [Tied] CLIF Bar
Tied in fourth place we have a classic: the CLIF Bar. Having existed since the dawn of Y2K, trusted by countless legends like Buzz Aldrin and Caroline Gleich, a Clif Bar will never steer you wrong. Be wary when it’s cold, as a snapping turtle caliber bite will break a tooth off. Minus two style points for Cool Mint Chocolate, plus three for White Chocolate Macadamia Nut.
NUTRITION
8
UNIQUENESS
1
PORTABILITY
10
SHAREABILITY
9
STYLE
4
TOTAL
32
#2 Candied Bacon
It’s candy. It’s bacon. It’s candied bacon! What will you think of next, Germany? Cook your bacon in anywhere between one and 25 cups of maple syrup for a crispy, savory, sweet, delectable snack. A sugar rush with a hint of protein. Shareability score drops because of the possible stickiness, but one bag will provide enough to make the whole crew happy and wanting more.
NUTRITION
4
UNIQUENESS
8
PORTABILITY
7
SHAREABILITY
6 (Sticky AF)
STYLE
8
TOTAL
33
#1 Hard-Boiled Egg (in Ziploc)
Don’t hate it till you try it. While it might not be the flashiest, the hard-boiled egg is, on paper, the best on our list. Healthy, portable, unique and carrying a style that says, ‘I can zipper moguls in jeans better than you can ski a green.’ No, other people will not want to go halfsies with you, but that just leaves more for you to enjoy! We advise that you store this one in a perfectly sealed plastic bag, as tomahawking with a free-range egg in your pocket will end terribly. You can thank us later.
NUTRITION
8
UNIQUENESS
10
PORTABILITY
6 (do not crash, eggsplosion!)
SHAREABILITY
3 (undesirable to others)
STYLE
9
TOTAL
36
