Schlopy’s Tender Tinder Tips: A full-proof guide to hooking up this season
Like it or not, Tinder—the popular app that helps you meet people for, well, sex—will have a big presence on the slopes this year. To help improve your chances of arranging a lift-line meet and greet, and—if things go well—a late night wine and dine, we’ve consulted Tinder expert and X Games gold medalist, Alex Schlopy, for a step-by-step guide to Tinder triumph.
1. Evaluate each and every individual closely. Never forget to glimpse at what they have written as a tagline. Every bit of information is essential, because even if this individual is a dime, they could have some weird fetish, like horses, and then you’re screwed. Unless you’re into horses, in which case, swipe right.
2. Every person that you swipe to the right (like) has to be wifey/husband material. Think about it. If someone happens to swipe-right you back, that’s scientifically equivalent to love at first sight, a.k.a. marriage, a.k.a. babies.
3. Once in contact with a man/woman of your liking, kick it off with a cheesy pick-up line. People love that ish. Then don’t talk to them for, like, three days, because it makes them want you way bad. After three to six days, respond with “What’s your number?” At least 70% of the time, they will give it to you.
4. Hit them up on the phone and arrange a date.
5. Rent a mini van, preferably white, and pick up your beautiful date. Get ‘em in the van and take him/her to the nearest Taco Bell. I recommend the Crunch Wrap Supreme. Order two, and the rest is history.
Remember, you will never fail using my techniques of Tinder mastery.
This Nibblet originally appeared in the 2013 October issue of Freeskier, Volume 16.2. The October issue is available on newsstands beginning 9/17/13. Freeskier Magazine is also available via the iTunes newsstand.