Man’s Weekend: Enjoying Bacon Festival at Keystone, plus golf and biking, too

Comments by Henrik Lampert/

This past weekend, I ventured up to Keystone Resort for a good ol’ #MansWeekend with my pals/co-workers Damian Quigley and Jon Glass, along with Zeal Optics’ own Mike Filander. On the docket: the annual Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival, along with some downhill mountain biking and golfing on “the Ranch.”

After a hectic work-week (2015 Buyer’s Guide production is full-swing), we hit the road Friday afternoon, and arrived in Silverthorne in time to enjoy a delectable meal at Bamboo Garden. Full of Sapporo, sweet and sour chicken, Kung Pao chicken, crab rangoon, dumplings, etc, we made a quick pit-stop at the L-store to stock up on Twisted Tea and whatnot before driving the final stretch to Keystone, and pulling up to our lavish, but not too lavish digs: the Ski Tip condominiums, just a short jaunt from River Run Village.

Friday night consisted of hours upon hours worth of Asshole. The card game. Get your mind out of the gutter. I won eight or nine straight much to the chagrin of Mr. Glass, in particular, as he’s the self proclaimed King of Asshole. Among many rules that I was able to impose as a result of my winning ways: anyone who opens the fridge must shotgun a beer, and anytime you say the word “Shit,” you must phone a female of your choice, and once they answer, you scream at the top of your lungs, “I’m naked, bitch!” before hanging up immediately. Voicemail is fine, too. It might sound tame, but if you say “Shit” as much as Filander does, you’re going to run out of girls who you feel comfortable calling with that sort of nonsense real’ quickly. Hence, many calls were placed, much laughter ensued, and many a shotgun were had.

Saturday morning was a rude awakening. But no rest for the wicked. Couch surfing is strictly forbidden on #MansWeekend.

 

Saturday, we enjoyed downhill mountain biking at Keystone; we picked up rental bikes, plus gear from Keystone Sports. It’s not often that I get the chance to partake in downhill MTB (I prefer the road bike, myself), but each and every time I do, I think things like, “Holy shit, this is fun.” Also, “Holy shit, this is scary.” Furthermore, “Holy shit, this reminds me how crazy-f#cking-good the top mountain bikers in the world are.”

We kicked off the day with a double black. Might as well get the ultra gnar out of the way early, right? From there, we explored a few blacks, and some of the blues, too. I found myself most at home on the blacks: 50% fun, 50% a back-of-the-neck-hair raising experience. Covered in mud, we retreated to the condo to clean up, and drink up before returning to the village to enjoy Baconfest.

If this hadn’t been pressed on you enough: we’re talking about a bacon festival. The Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival, as its known, rolls through Keystone on an annual basis. After a few hours of stuffing my face with bacon this, bacon that, and guzzling down bacon Bloody Marys, I’ve gone ahead and marked the occasion on the calendar for June, 2015. It was awesome. It was jam-packed with people. It was bacon heaven. In short: folks dish some dollars in exchange for tickets, and each ticket grants you one “taste.” Countless tents are set up in the village, and between the deep fried bacon-mac n’ cheese balls, bacon-wrapped meatballs, bacon-wrapped shrimp, bacon infused desserts, bacon covered pizza, plain old bacon strips, etc, there’s plenty to go around.

Added bonus: we enjoyed a live performance by Hell’s Belles, the all-female AC/DC tribute band and arguably the best cover band in the history of the world. They played a full set. We screamed our heads off. After the show, I met each of the five band members, purchased a T-shirt and had ‘em all sign it. It now hangs on my wall—an everlasting reminder of the glorious Bacon Festival.

Saturday night, we had a repeat of the prior evening’s debauchery. This time, we had a couple of lovely ladies join us. Rule: #MansWeekend is still #MansWeekend when you invite females to party with you.

Sunday, we hit the links at Keystone Ranch Golf Course. There’s not much more to say about that, other than that golf rules, and the Ranch course, surrounded by beautiful mountains, is amazing.

So, that’s the quick run-down. The video above, shot entirely with GoPro, showcases just a bit of the shenanigans. In closing, here’s to Keystone, here’s to the spirit of #MansWeekend, and here’s to a summer’s worth of fun in the mountains. Get after it.